what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize