Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
