Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
