No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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