woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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