you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
