Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
