You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
