i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
