I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
