This is not my ceiling
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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