your thong is hanging out like whoa
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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