I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
