At least make sure they are 18
Why
Moan for me like Helen Keller
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
