I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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