I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
