Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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