happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
