dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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