I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
