3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
