he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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