i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
