My hand turned me down
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
