hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
