i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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