well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
