there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
