I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
