So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Randomize
