my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
