There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
