You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
