Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
