You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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