matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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