did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I smell like Dick and happiness
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