If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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