I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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