tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
