Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
