I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
