this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
