I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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