Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
