your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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