so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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