You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize