i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
