May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize