There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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