i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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