I could have mohawked her pubes.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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