so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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