Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
