Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
