Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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