I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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