Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
