Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
