get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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