but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
