just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Let's paint friendship bongs
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
