Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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