goodnight i made you a song goodbye
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
