Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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