remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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