remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
