Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
My feet surprised me
Randomize
