my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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