we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
