Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
