why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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